I feel like I'm in high school and going through puberty again. I spent so long figuring out who I was and how I fit into this crazy world. Just when I finally became one with myself and was happy with who I was and who I became I go and disrupt that with having a baby!
Another one of those things that you don't get told when you get pregnant, is that when you have your precious little baby your going to lose all sight of who you are because your adding something new to your personal definition. You are now a mother. You struggle to figure out how to add this new hat to your closet, and this is a big hat! One of those large summer hats your see at the Kentucky Derby.
Everything all of a sudden takes the back burner. My marriage, my friends, my job, burlesque, school... it was all put on the back burner while I tried to get this huge hat to fit my head and match my outfit. As you start to realize "Hey, I'm looking good int his hat," you slowly start adding everything back into your life. It's like a big pot of hat soup with layers of flavor all needed to make it delicious.
Of course my marriage was first. It will always be one of the most important things in my life. Having a baby was not just an adjustment for me, it was a huge adjustment for my husband as well. In order for our marriage to continue we had to come together and support each other while we settled into our new roles. It's not an easy task settling into your new role as an individual, it's even harder settling into a new role as a couple. Hey, but that's a whole different blog post.
Friends certainly change. You don't have much in common with your old friends anymore. You seek out friends that are moms for support. It doesn't help that my best friend is a thousand miles away. I find a lot of support from forums on Thebump.com. It's a great place to find other moms to talk to about anything from postpartum sex, to poopy diapers and breastfeeding. I'm not sure how I would have survived pregnancy and these first 6 months without thebump.com
Props to those who can handle going to school with a child. I'm just not that talented. I hate school in the first place, so it's even harder to go back now that I have my son. One thing I do know is that I do not plan to push college on my son. There are so many other career options that don't involve college (we make a very decent living on my husband's pay check that didn't involve college.) I want to support him no matter what career path he picks.
Well, I really miss burlesque. Like so much my heart aches for it. But having a baby really changed my body (stay tuned for future blog post.) I struggle with my self confidence, which is the one thing you NEED to have as a burlesque dancer. So this just might one of those things that stay on the back burner for awhile.
My soup is not ready to eat yet, there are still a lot of ingredients it is missing and it needs to cook for a lot longer. It will be ready soon, at least I hope it's ready before my son turns one.
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