Overnight Transformation

I have known for awhile now that Tristan is starting to look less like a baby and more like a little boy. I would see hints of it here and there. His facial features in pictures, when he would stand against our sliding glass door, and as he walked. However, it wasn't until today that I came to the realization that my baby isn't a baby anymore and I experienced this flash forward of the little boy he is becoming.

We were at an autocare shop getting my cars AC recharged ( THANK GOD! this heat is ridiculous) and Tristan was pushing his toy car ACROSS the floor. Like pushing it while crawling with it. I mean no more just pushing it back and forth while sitting in one place. The car and him were both going. Yep that is when it hit me like ice cold water. OH MY GOD! I thought. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?

You know they say when you die your life flashes before your eyes? Well this is what I experienced at that moment. Tristan's life up until that point flashed before my eyes. It was like the death of his babyhood and a new chapter in his life...toddlerhood. It scared the shit out of me. I don't know if I am ready, but are you ever? 

I feel like I need visuals to help you understand what went through my head today. Got to love trusty Google image search.

This is how I viewed Tristan YESTERDAY (or even this morning if you will):

This is how I saw Tristan TODAY:

Crazy isn't it? I still can't wrap my head around it.

Well here's to a new chapter in my son's life! 

Wordless Wednesday

Girls Are Ugly And They Stink

Growing up my dad always asked me "Why do girls put on make up and wear perfume?" Of course, at 8,9,10 years old I had no idea. "Why dad?" "Because they are ugly and they stink," he would reply. So growing up this was always in the back of my head. Being the hard-headed girl I am, I was determined to prove to my dad that girls could be pretty and smell good WITH OUT make up and perfume. With out knowing it, my dad did wonders for my self-esteem.

I can say now that I go out confidently with out make up. I don't have to spend forever doing my hair, applying make up, and finding "my scent." I do not NEED these material things to be who I am, to feel good with who I am. Am I saying I don't feel more beautiful with make up on? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Or I don't feel more confident wearing perfume? HELL NO! I love the way I feel wearing make up and a spritz of Vixen body spray from Victoria's Secret.

But that doesn't mean I hate who I am al' natural.

It really is a beautiful place to be...you should try it one day. 

What I Am Reading

I have been on a reading kick lately, reading 12 books this year already. Genres range anywhere from The Earth Childrens series by Jean M. Auel to Water For Elephants...all great books. Currently however, I am reading Life Laughs:The Naked Truth About Motherhood, Marriage, And Moving On by Jenny McCarthy. She is a fantastic and HILARIOUS writer and is not afraid of the telling you the nitty gritty. This is my third book of hers that I am reading. It started with Belly Laughs which is all about her pregnancy (stretch marks, constipation and birth all included.) Then I read Baby Laughs which is all about life after pregnancy (hemorrhoids!) And now I am really glad she has another book. It's fun, light reading that any mom can relate to. So if you havnt read any of her books, I more than HIGHLY recommend them.

A Walk To Remember

A Walk To Remember is my second most favorite movie of all time (closely following my FAVORITE movie of all time Titanic.) So today while thinking about the challenges and difficulties of raising my high-needs baby I thought about a particular part in the movie where where Jamie is in the hospital with Landon (by the way my next son's name will be Landon Carter after this character but only cause my husband wont let me do Jack Dawson.) She proceeds to tell him "Maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself. Like this journey never ends. Like you were sent to me because I am sick. To help me through all this. You're my angel."

I started thinking that this is exactly how I feel. I've always wanted children, and when I finally have one he is different and more difficult than all the other babies I have experienced in my life...combined. Not at all what I had expected coming into motherhood. But you know what? "Maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself." The big guy (or girl!) in the sky and I did not see eye to eye on the kind of baby I should have. Would a "normal" baby have stretched and pushed me to learn and grow like I have? Or would a "normal" baby have strengthened Bryan's and my relationship like Tristan has? As much as I hate to admit it in the heat of the moment, I believe God's plan was much better than my own.

Tristan-my little angel :)

Life In The Fast Lane

Someone please tell me where the last 19 months have gone? I feel like I just peed on the damn stick in the bathroom at work and much to my surprise found out I was pregnant. Now in eight short weeks I will have a 1 year old. WTF!

Part of me screams "Slow down and stop growing so fast!" But the other part of me yells "Grow up already so we can go to Disneyland!" So how do I compromise in this dilemma? I take it one day at a time, trying to live in the moment, and soak up everything that is the right now.

And right now Tristan is napping in the nook of my left arm while I type one handed (which I must say I have gotten pretty good at.) He fits in there just perfectly. He used to be too small, and someday he will be too big. But today he is perfect.

Real Life Minesweeper

Have you ever played Minesweeper? It's the game on your computer where you click the little squares trying to find the color boxes and avoid the bombs? I was never very good at it, and I am probably telling you how to play it wrong. All I know is I ALWAYS find the bombs.

Same holds true to my real life game of Minesweeper. Tristan is a VERY light sleeper. In fact if I hit one these keys too hard on the keyboard while typing this he will most likely wake up. If he hears the kitty outside the closed office door he might wake up, or even hear her bell. I have white noise playing hoping it will drown out a lot of it, but sometimes it is just not strong enough.

Now I am not talking just slightly wake up. Oh no, that is too easy and God forbid Tristan does anything easy. He will full blown wake up. Jolt up, pushes up with his hands and looks around like "Hey where am I? What are we doing? Is it time to play/eat/walk?" And then you are starting the process over to get him back to sleep. UGH!

So I know your asking where the game Minesweeper comes in.Well at some point we need to get Tristan in his crib at night (I WISH he would go there for naps.) Our bedtime routine always included white noise (found in the office.) So you get him to sleep and he is over your shoulder. If  you make it from the sitting position to the standing position without waking him up it's a miracle. Then you will slowly move to open the office door. If he doesn't wake up after opening the door it's a second miracle. Into the hallway and next thing you know SQUEEEEK (BOMB) the floorboards make noise and Tristan is awake. Damn it! So you repeat the chair, door, you remember where you stepped last time so you avoid it. Your able to take a few more steps till SQUEEEK(ANOTHER BOMB) it happens again. Shit! Ok so chair, door, slide left to avoid bomb one, slide right to avoid bomb two and you finally reach Tristan's room when SQUEEEEEEEK (DOUBLE BOMB) you realize the entire area under Tristan's door frame is a major bomb. Off to try again. Chair, door, slide left, slide right, large front slide-hop and you make it to Tristan's room. One last obstacle...laying him down. If you accomplish that life is good and you have just wittnessed 4 miracles 1.Chair 2.Door 3.Bombs 4.Laying down!! (Just be sure to avoid the double bomb on the way out.)