My Son Healed My Heart

So today is the anniversary of something dark and terrible but yet I feel so free and happy. And for that I must thank my son, my amazing baby boy. (Who by the way almost isn't a baby anymore.)

It's almost been a decade since I was molested. It has always been this demented tattoo like burn on my heart that made me feel so disgusted and ashamed. It effected every part of my being and it hasn't been easy to regain my true self back. It's a power struggle. My power, my control, and a major part of myself was taken away that day so many years ago. You do not wake up one day and feel whole again. You battle with yourself all the time about what went wrong and what could you have done to stop it and how are you ever going to feel normal again?

This my friends is a battle I have won.

I don't think I could ever explain how my son healed my heart of that nasty tattoo and made me feel complete again. Quite frankly, I honestly do not know how he did. Maybe the fact that I am no longer here for myself, that everything I have is him and belongs to him. Maybe knowing that my life has purpose, and that purpose is not to be a molested "victim." Maybe having a natural birth helped me accomplish gaining my power and control back of certain previously (mentally and emotionally) stolen areas. It's probably all of the above.

So today I rejoice, I celebrate and I give my son just one more kiss (ok, maybe a lot more) because he has freed mommy from an almost decade long imprisonment. The grass sure is greener outside prison walls.

However, the day would not be complete with out listening to my theme song dedicated to this anniversary. I mean, it is tradition for me to listen to it all day long. Although today I think I only need to listen to it once...

as I would rather be singing, reading, playing, and laughing with my son.