Wordless Wednesday

Overnight Transformation

I have known for awhile now that Tristan is starting to look less like a baby and more like a little boy. I would see hints of it here and there. His facial features in pictures, when he would stand against our sliding glass door, and as he walked. However, it wasn't until today that I came to the realization that my baby isn't a baby anymore and I experienced this flash forward of the little boy he is becoming.

We were at an autocare shop getting my cars AC recharged ( THANK GOD! this heat is ridiculous) and Tristan was pushing his toy car ACROSS the floor. Like pushing it while crawling with it. I mean no more just pushing it back and forth while sitting in one place. The car and him were both going. Yep that is when it hit me like ice cold water. OH MY GOD! I thought. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?

You know they say when you die your life flashes before your eyes? Well this is what I experienced at that moment. Tristan's life up until that point flashed before my eyes. It was like the death of his babyhood and a new chapter in his life...toddlerhood. It scared the shit out of me. I don't know if I am ready, but are you ever? 

I feel like I need visuals to help you understand what went through my head today. Got to love trusty Google image search.

This is how I viewed Tristan YESTERDAY (or even this morning if you will):

This is how I saw Tristan TODAY:

Crazy isn't it? I still can't wrap my head around it.

Well here's to a new chapter in my son's life! 

Wordless Wednesday

Girls Are Ugly And They Stink

Growing up my dad always asked me "Why do girls put on make up and wear perfume?" Of course, at 8,9,10 years old I had no idea. "Why dad?" "Because they are ugly and they stink," he would reply. So growing up this was always in the back of my head. Being the hard-headed girl I am, I was determined to prove to my dad that girls could be pretty and smell good WITH OUT make up and perfume. With out knowing it, my dad did wonders for my self-esteem.

I can say now that I go out confidently with out make up. I don't have to spend forever doing my hair, applying make up, and finding "my scent." I do not NEED these material things to be who I am, to feel good with who I am. Am I saying I don't feel more beautiful with make up on? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Or I don't feel more confident wearing perfume? HELL NO! I love the way I feel wearing make up and a spritz of Vixen body spray from Victoria's Secret.

But that doesn't mean I hate who I am al' natural.

It really is a beautiful place to be...you should try it one day. 

What I Am Reading

I have been on a reading kick lately, reading 12 books this year already. Genres range anywhere from The Earth Childrens series by Jean M. Auel to Water For Elephants...all great books. Currently however, I am reading Life Laughs:The Naked Truth About Motherhood, Marriage, And Moving On by Jenny McCarthy. She is a fantastic and HILARIOUS writer and is not afraid of the telling you the nitty gritty. This is my third book of hers that I am reading. It started with Belly Laughs which is all about her pregnancy (stretch marks, constipation and birth all included.) Then I read Baby Laughs which is all about life after pregnancy (hemorrhoids!) And now I am really glad she has another book. It's fun, light reading that any mom can relate to. So if you havnt read any of her books, I more than HIGHLY recommend them.

A Walk To Remember

A Walk To Remember is my second most favorite movie of all time (closely following my FAVORITE movie of all time Titanic.) So today while thinking about the challenges and difficulties of raising my high-needs baby I thought about a particular part in the movie where where Jamie is in the hospital with Landon (by the way my next son's name will be Landon Carter after this character but only cause my husband wont let me do Jack Dawson.) She proceeds to tell him "Maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself. Like this journey never ends. Like you were sent to me because I am sick. To help me through all this. You're my angel."

I started thinking that this is exactly how I feel. I've always wanted children, and when I finally have one he is different and more difficult than all the other babies I have experienced in my life...combined. Not at all what I had expected coming into motherhood. But you know what? "Maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself." The big guy (or girl!) in the sky and I did not see eye to eye on the kind of baby I should have. Would a "normal" baby have stretched and pushed me to learn and grow like I have? Or would a "normal" baby have strengthened Bryan's and my relationship like Tristan has? As much as I hate to admit it in the heat of the moment, I believe God's plan was much better than my own.

Tristan-my little angel :)