Saying Goodbye

I have officially stopped breastfeeding. I cant even tell you what a difficult decision it has been, and I am still not completely at peace with it. After a few weeks of debating back and forth, weighing the pros and cons, experimenting with Tristan, and soul searching this is finally the conclusion.

Breastfeeding hasnt been the easiest road for me. The surgery I had when I was 16 to remove a golf ball sized cyst from my left breast dramatically effected my production and supply on that side. So of course I was always worried if I produced enough for Tristan. There were a few times where I just fell apart and cried because I felt like I wasnt. I started researching was to help increase your supply and narrowed it down to oatmeal. I have been eating oatmeal for breakfast every morning for three months. This morning? I had  a bagel with cream cheese. I was a little sad.

Tristan has always been a comfort nurser, and while I fully supported it while he was younger he came to a point in the last month where he wasnt really eating well, just comfort sucking. Or he would get so distracted while nursing that he would latch on, suck twice and let go to look around or play with my hair or bang his hand on whatever was nearby. So of course I was concerned about his calorie intake, and I was really tired of fighting it. So bottle it is.

All these thing aside, I am going to miss that mother/baby only bond there is with nursing, It is such a beautiful moment, such a beautiful connection that you just can not find anywhere else. I cant help but to feel like I am saying goodbye to the precious little baby of mine. Saying goodbye to the newborn/needy stage in his life. I know this is just one of many of the "my son doesnt need me anymore" stages I am going to go through, by it's my first and it's damn hard .

So here's to closing  another chapter in my life. Breastfeeding I wish you adieu. At least my boobs aren't on loan anymore as my husband would say. Needless to mention, he is pretty damn happy their back.