Thursday, March 24, 2011
Look At Those Baby Blues
Ever since I started thinking about having children with Bryan, I had wished they would get his amazing blue eyes. With Bryan's gorgeous blue eyes and dark hair I've got myself a handsome husband :) I hoped and wished over the years and through my pregnancy that Tristan would get the same features. Now six months down the road, I think it is safe to say that his eyes are going to stay blue!!! Just call him Mr. Blue Eyes.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Saying Goodbye
I have officially stopped breastfeeding. I cant even tell you what a difficult decision it has been, and I am still not completely at peace with it. After a few weeks of debating back and forth, weighing the pros and cons, experimenting with Tristan, and soul searching this is finally the conclusion.
Breastfeeding hasnt been the easiest road for me. The surgery I had when I was 16 to remove a golf ball sized cyst from my left breast dramatically effected my production and supply on that side. So of course I was always worried if I produced enough for Tristan. There were a few times where I just fell apart and cried because I felt like I wasnt. I started researching was to help increase your supply and narrowed it down to oatmeal. I have been eating oatmeal for breakfast every morning for three months. This morning? I had a bagel with cream cheese. I was a little sad.
Tristan has always been a comfort nurser, and while I fully supported it while he was younger he came to a point in the last month where he wasnt really eating well, just comfort sucking. Or he would get so distracted while nursing that he would latch on, suck twice and let go to look around or play with my hair or bang his hand on whatever was nearby. So of course I was concerned about his calorie intake, and I was really tired of fighting it. So bottle it is.
All these thing aside, I am going to miss that mother/baby only bond there is with nursing, It is such a beautiful moment, such a beautiful connection that you just can not find anywhere else. I cant help but to feel like I am saying goodbye to the precious little baby of mine. Saying goodbye to the newborn/needy stage in his life. I know this is just one of many of the "my son doesnt need me anymore" stages I am going to go through, by it's my first and it's damn hard .
So here's to closing another chapter in my life. Breastfeeding I wish you adieu. At least my boobs aren't on loan anymore as my husband would say. Needless to mention, he is pretty damn happy their back.
Breastfeeding hasnt been the easiest road for me. The surgery I had when I was 16 to remove a golf ball sized cyst from my left breast dramatically effected my production and supply on that side. So of course I was always worried if I produced enough for Tristan. There were a few times where I just fell apart and cried because I felt like I wasnt. I started researching was to help increase your supply and narrowed it down to oatmeal. I have been eating oatmeal for breakfast every morning for three months. This morning? I had a bagel with cream cheese. I was a little sad.
Tristan has always been a comfort nurser, and while I fully supported it while he was younger he came to a point in the last month where he wasnt really eating well, just comfort sucking. Or he would get so distracted while nursing that he would latch on, suck twice and let go to look around or play with my hair or bang his hand on whatever was nearby. So of course I was concerned about his calorie intake, and I was really tired of fighting it. So bottle it is.
All these thing aside, I am going to miss that mother/baby only bond there is with nursing, It is such a beautiful moment, such a beautiful connection that you just can not find anywhere else. I cant help but to feel like I am saying goodbye to the precious little baby of mine. Saying goodbye to the newborn/needy stage in his life. I know this is just one of many of the "my son doesnt need me anymore" stages I am going to go through, by it's my first and it's damn hard .
So here's to closing another chapter in my life. Breastfeeding I wish you adieu. At least my boobs aren't on loan anymore as my husband would say. Needless to mention, he is pretty damn happy their back.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Just a Few of My Favorite Things
I LOVE:
- Good morning smiles
- Open mouth kisses
- Soft downy baby hair
- Bath time splashes
- Tiny fingers and toes
- "Dadadada"
- Fluttering lashes
- Sleepy head on my shoulder
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Doctors How I Loathe Thee
DISCLAIMER: Doctors go to school for a very long time and work hard to obtain their degrees and get into the medical field. I am not saying ALL doctors are this way, just in my experience.
I have never been one to see a doctor annually. I spent a lot of my life with out health insurance, so I only saw a doctor when absolutely necessary. So when I go pregnant I was at a loss as to what to do. I saw a regular doctor who was a BITCH! Okay, maybe not horribly a bitch, just not my style. She was more concerned with the science of my pregnancy than anything else. She started our visit off by naming all the different kinds of diseases and stuff that I needed to be tested for and that the baby could have. WOAH! Too much for a first time mom. So after asking who my then 6 months pregnant sister in law who she saw, she recommended her midwives. What an awesome idea I thought. I love the idea of a midwife. So I started visiting her midwives clinic. However, it was far from my house and the hospital I would deliver at was really far too. At one of the Kreutzer's big family events I spoke with one of Bryan's cousins about a midwife clinic at North Suburban, MUCH CLOSER to our house. To make a long story short, I absolutely LOVED the ladies at this clinic.
So why did I chose a midwife over a doctor? I was very sure about what I wanted my labor and delivery experience to be like. I know what I wanted, how I wanted to do it and what to expect. A lot of these things would not have been accepted by a typical doctor. Of course I wanted to go all natural, and I DID NOT want anyone offering me drugs (nurses like to slip that in, so midwives tend to keep them in check.) The nurses automatically brought supplies in my birthing room for drugs, like automatically without even asking me. My midwife had to tell them no. At least give me a chance first, damn. I also did not want any sort of IV. Yes, I had to sign a hospital waiver for this, but I doubt a doctor would even given me the option. Women have been having babies for millions of years, WITHOUT drugs and IV's. If something were to go wrong, you can poke me then. I wanted to wear my own clothes, no hospital gown for me. This is going to be the most pain I've ever experienced, and you want me to be uncomfortable too? Last, I wanted the option that I could eat. No stupid ice chips or popsicles. If I wanted a damn granola bar then I am going to eat a damn granola bar. The midwives were okay with this, but they said to hide it because the hospital would throw a fit.
The biggest difference between midwives and doctors is the amount of intervention. I wanted as little intervention as possible. Hey, really I wanted a home birth but Bryan was not okay with that. I trusted my body to do what it needed to do. Doctors are always in such a rush, get in and get out seems to be their motto. If you two days late they start talking induction. Really? You can go up to two weeks, and there are many natural ways of trying to induce labor. My midwife I discussed those before even any mention of induction. It's a horrible vicious cycle once you start that pitocin. The pitocin starts the labor but makes it more intense, so then you need an epidural but the epidural slows down your labor so then you need more pitocin. Catch my drift? So after hours of playing this little game, your not progressing and BAM your on an operating table having a c-section. I will never see a doctor for my pregnancies.
I have never been one to see a doctor annually. I spent a lot of my life with out health insurance, so I only saw a doctor when absolutely necessary. So when I go pregnant I was at a loss as to what to do. I saw a regular doctor who was a BITCH! Okay, maybe not horribly a bitch, just not my style. She was more concerned with the science of my pregnancy than anything else. She started our visit off by naming all the different kinds of diseases and stuff that I needed to be tested for and that the baby could have. WOAH! Too much for a first time mom. So after asking who my then 6 months pregnant sister in law who she saw, she recommended her midwives. What an awesome idea I thought. I love the idea of a midwife. So I started visiting her midwives clinic. However, it was far from my house and the hospital I would deliver at was really far too. At one of the Kreutzer's big family events I spoke with one of Bryan's cousins about a midwife clinic at North Suburban, MUCH CLOSER to our house. To make a long story short, I absolutely LOVED the ladies at this clinic.
So why did I chose a midwife over a doctor? I was very sure about what I wanted my labor and delivery experience to be like. I know what I wanted, how I wanted to do it and what to expect. A lot of these things would not have been accepted by a typical doctor. Of course I wanted to go all natural, and I DID NOT want anyone offering me drugs (nurses like to slip that in, so midwives tend to keep them in check.) The nurses automatically brought supplies in my birthing room for drugs, like automatically without even asking me. My midwife had to tell them no. At least give me a chance first, damn. I also did not want any sort of IV. Yes, I had to sign a hospital waiver for this, but I doubt a doctor would even given me the option. Women have been having babies for millions of years, WITHOUT drugs and IV's. If something were to go wrong, you can poke me then. I wanted to wear my own clothes, no hospital gown for me. This is going to be the most pain I've ever experienced, and you want me to be uncomfortable too? Last, I wanted the option that I could eat. No stupid ice chips or popsicles. If I wanted a damn granola bar then I am going to eat a damn granola bar. The midwives were okay with this, but they said to hide it because the hospital would throw a fit.
The biggest difference between midwives and doctors is the amount of intervention. I wanted as little intervention as possible. Hey, really I wanted a home birth but Bryan was not okay with that. I trusted my body to do what it needed to do. Doctors are always in such a rush, get in and get out seems to be their motto. If you two days late they start talking induction. Really? You can go up to two weeks, and there are many natural ways of trying to induce labor. My midwife I discussed those before even any mention of induction. It's a horrible vicious cycle once you start that pitocin. The pitocin starts the labor but makes it more intense, so then you need an epidural but the epidural slows down your labor so then you need more pitocin. Catch my drift? So after hours of playing this little game, your not progressing and BAM your on an operating table having a c-section. I will never see a doctor for my pregnancies.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Photography
So I am slightly obsessed with photography, to be more specific I am slightly obsessed with getting pictures taken of our family. The investment is worth it to me, and while I would like to be able to afford the really awesome photographers (aka Tristan's newborn photographer,) I just cant bring myself to constantly shell out $400 plus for photography as amazing as she is. I am always on the hunt for an amazing (yet inexpensive) photographer. I am on Craigslist daily looking for all the new and up and coming photographers. I am constantly reading reviews, looking at portfolios, and comparing. Nothing means more to me than pictures of my little man and our family. Do you know why that is?
I have a ridiculously HORRIBLE memory. I mean HORRIBLE! My entire childhood is probably summed up in two to three memories because I can't remember anything else. I've lost years of my relationship with Bryan because we don't have one damn picture. I learned in Psychology that it's possible that my Hippocampus does not function right, eh who knows. I just know that something does not work right! I need triggers in order to pull those memories out of my brain. What is a better trigger than a photograph? If I could pay someone to follow me and my family around 24/7 taking pictures I would do it in a heart beat. No, I don't want a maid, I want a photographer! Is that even possible?!
I'm glad my husband understands, because we do spend a decent amount of money of photography, but without these pictures I feel like my life will be lost in a black sea of forgoteness.
I have a ridiculously HORRIBLE memory. I mean HORRIBLE! My entire childhood is probably summed up in two to three memories because I can't remember anything else. I've lost years of my relationship with Bryan because we don't have one damn picture. I learned in Psychology that it's possible that my Hippocampus does not function right, eh who knows. I just know that something does not work right! I need triggers in order to pull those memories out of my brain. What is a better trigger than a photograph? If I could pay someone to follow me and my family around 24/7 taking pictures I would do it in a heart beat. No, I don't want a maid, I want a photographer! Is that even possible?!
I'm glad my husband understands, because we do spend a decent amount of money of photography, but without these pictures I feel like my life will be lost in a black sea of forgoteness.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Happy Half Birthday Tristan!
Happy Half Birthday to my beautiful baby boy! No, I do not plan on celebrating his half birthdays for the rest of his life, but this is a huge milestone! Not only for Tristan, but for mommy and daddy too because we have made it this far. Tristan celebrated his half birthday by actually sleeping last night! Instead of his usual 8-10 awakenings in the middle of the night, Tristan only had 4! That's right, 4 awakenings. I had a very lovely 4 hour stretch of sleep and it was AMAZING! So I guess really Happy Half Birthday to me!
So I wanted to celebrate the day by pondering over what all I have learned in the last 6 months about being a mom.
1. A mother's love for a child is unbreakable bond held together by something more powerful than any natural and super natural thing on this earth and beyond.
2. I can accomplish ANYTHING no matter how hard it is if I only I stay determined to do it. (i.e. Natural Birth.)
3. No matter how tired you get, worn down you get, or drained you get somehow someway you always find just enough energy and strength to do whatever it is that needs to be done for your baby.
4. No matter what I do in life. If I ever end up graduating college, finding the perfect career, get rich, become poor, move to a far away city, travel etc I will ALWAYS have a purpose in life and that is to be the best mother I can for my son.
5. I think there is some verse in the Bible that states "For everything there is a season." (Sorry to those who actually know the Bible if this is wrong in any way and I don't want to offend any one.) I saw it on a 7th Heaven episode once. Everything is a phase, and it ebbs and flows. This too shall pass.
6. Multi-Tasking becomes your middle name, and your find yourself wishing you were an octopus.
7. Watching my husband become a father has been the utmost amazing thing I have ever seen. From the first time he held baby Tristan (which was before me by the way,) to every time he sings to him now before bed. All I can do is look forward to the many more amazing father/son moments in their future.
8. Everything is new again, you are watching the world from a new set of eyes.
9. Innocence is beautiful.
10. Becoming a mom is the best thing I have ever done.
I am sure there are tons more. Those are just the ones that stick out to me at the moment.
So I wanted to celebrate the day by pondering over what all I have learned in the last 6 months about being a mom.
1. A mother's love for a child is unbreakable bond held together by something more powerful than any natural and super natural thing on this earth and beyond.
2. I can accomplish ANYTHING no matter how hard it is if I only I stay determined to do it. (i.e. Natural Birth.)
3. No matter how tired you get, worn down you get, or drained you get somehow someway you always find just enough energy and strength to do whatever it is that needs to be done for your baby.
4. No matter what I do in life. If I ever end up graduating college, finding the perfect career, get rich, become poor, move to a far away city, travel etc I will ALWAYS have a purpose in life and that is to be the best mother I can for my son.
5. I think there is some verse in the Bible that states "For everything there is a season." (Sorry to those who actually know the Bible if this is wrong in any way and I don't want to offend any one.) I saw it on a 7th Heaven episode once. Everything is a phase, and it ebbs and flows. This too shall pass.
6. Multi-Tasking becomes your middle name, and your find yourself wishing you were an octopus.
7. Watching my husband become a father has been the utmost amazing thing I have ever seen. From the first time he held baby Tristan (which was before me by the way,) to every time he sings to him now before bed. All I can do is look forward to the many more amazing father/son moments in their future.
8. Everything is new again, you are watching the world from a new set of eyes.
9. Innocence is beautiful.
10. Becoming a mom is the best thing I have ever done.
I am sure there are tons more. Those are just the ones that stick out to me at the moment.
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